What is Clarity?

As my day ends, so does my clarity.

I am faced with questioning why I feel like I do?  Why am I judgmental? Why do I need to judge? Why do I need to label something in a neat and tidy package?

I don't. It is not in my nature to label and judge that strongly, it is merely a reaction to external things.

That which is external will always disappoint me.  Someone else's behavior is external.

I am told not take it personal that it is their opportunity to deal with, not mine.

I look in the eyes of questions.

The questions are there, but my clarity pierces through the fog and I am standing in pure light.

That's where I begin to question my clarity.  Is this how clarity is?  I guess because I sense it is something not familiar in this situation.  The precipice appears again.  My gentle tendencies are questioned by myself.  Is it really this easy?  Is it really this clear? Why?

I realize I am not enjoying this level or this type of clarity because it is in such a dense fog.  My light shines brightly but it is dimmed in the dense fog.  No one else can see my light I fear.  That's where I am wrong.

My light is not something to see, it is felt.

My light springs forth in rhythm with every living thing.

The fog is the fog.  Let it Be.

Stand in Your Light.  Sadness and confusion happen, it is part of growth.   My awkwardness throws me off center.  I ask for Grace and Freedom of Movement.  Blessed Universal Light, I ask now for this Peace and shake me with your Vibrations so my Light is unobstructed.  

And so it is.  :-)

Trauma and Shock

I have a choice. 

I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to stand strong.

When it comes to trauma, the choice can be made instantly or one can choose to not react right away, instead pulling the trauma apart and examining it.

For once, I have this opportunity presented to me.

Something didn't set right, something didn't sound right, something didn't feel right.

I was perplexed.  What an odd dance that is happening before me.

I remain perplexed and that is good for now.  

This time I will choose to stand strong.  This time I will Breathe and be responsible for my part in the trauma.  This time I will not be hooked into drama.  This time I will be compassionate and freeze any preconceived notions and conclusions and work with this to allow this to become something not so monstrous and scary, but something as light as a feather that blows with the wind.

It is in this process of banter where the opportunity for me to be strong presents itself.  

Forgiveness is in order and it is the strong thing to do.  The victimization is dissipating and light is there for me to become engulfed in.  I can breathe freely, I am not constricted, but the banter continues.

That is ok, I'll let it be what it is, but I now feel that light permeating all of my being.  I am NOT transported to another place and time, I am here, I am present.  This is me being strong.

The vibrations I feel now clear what energy is no longer needed.

The banter continues.

The song clears my mind. I am in awe of the power of light and how that makes me feel so clear.  

I am blessed knowing I had been given this opportunity to bring my own healing to me.

Only because I am connected.  Only because the light I speak of comes from every living thing.

Thank you.  :-)

Song

Everyone has their song. They sing it all day long.  They play it all day long.

Sometimes people enjoy the music they hear from others.  Sometimes.

Sometimes people find the music fascinatingly complicated.

Sometimes people find the music interestingly simple.

Sometimes people find the music offensive.

When this happens, all they need to do is simply be in a different place to not hear the music that offends them.

It is pretty obvious when people smile at you and you sense them enjoying your music.

It is not so obvious when people don't react and merely rush along their merry way.

Worse yet, is when people are in your midst and they remain silent and unresponsive.

Sometimes you just try too hard.

Sometimes your song changes.

Sometimes.

Take Heart, change is good.  Others will find your music fascinating again and you will be pleasantly surprised with your new group of friends.  This could take some time, so be patient.  Your song is Beautiful and worth listening to. Even if it appears no one is listening, they are.  Stay positive, it helps the rest of us.  You are gentleness someone has finally realized in the room where they take a huge breath. They don't know why, they just feel calmer and more at ease.  They don't look at you, they appear to not notice you, but you know your song is a good one and it may just make their day brighter for some odd reason.

Sometimes your song comes from a single piano or guitar. Sometimes your song is a choir and orchestra with such vitality and strength that even you get caught up in it.

Sometimes.

Thanks Dad.  :-)

Healing

Like a switch turned on, the floodgates opened and Certainty existed.

The calm overcame me with such a great sense of purpose.

The fast I decided to do worked.  I became centered, whole, connected at an even deeper level and Calm and Peace permeated me.

Today I begin the day with the Joyful sense of being Me.  Not the muddled me with all kinds of energy swirling around me.  The Me where the energy comes from within me and extends to all of you Today.  I am here to Heal.  I Heal Myself, therefore, I Heal You.  

Thank you for being with me on this journey, I Honor who you are and how Connected I feel to You. Thank you. 

Today I begin a new journey.  Today I begin to Honor that which is unseen and yet felt so deeply.

I bow my Head in Reverence Today.  I only wish the same for You.

Namaste.  :-)

Slowing down

Continuing my quest to slow down, I am going to fast today.

It felt right to practice this today after being successful yesterday.

What, you think not eating for a day is unhealthy?  Better rethink your relationship with food.

I used to practice this one day out of a week for many many months. I broke the fast with fresh made salsa (tomato, cilantro, sweet onion, poblano pepper) and chips. 

My body feels comfortable today to fast. I still prepare meals for my family, I just give my body a break for the day.  Of course, I'm hydrated. I'll start with coffee and workout with lemon water. 

If you think about it, isn't it nice to take a break every once and awhile from such busy activity?

Fasting to me is bringing myself back to center physically.  Sure I can center myself mentally all the time, but when it comes to physical, there's only one way to do this.  It has to be all day to complete the cycle of a day and wake up refreshed and renewed.

Need to wake up refreshed and renewed?  Give it a try!  You'll find out if you have an addiction to food, for sure, but hey, that's what we're all about, right?  Awareness!  Don't be hard on yourself, you're already hard enough on yourself about things, just relax.

Peace to You.

Outside

I am grateful to be able to go outside today.  That gratitude will infiltrate my day today.  The air greets me and a gentle breeze plays with my face and makes me smile.  

I really am grateful today.  Another dream that was not a repeated dream, a new one! The day just gets better and better!  I am Blessed with so much already and my Heart overflows with Joy and Love for the Universe.  

Today I choose to slow down and feel gratitude and express gratitude.  I have gratitude for you as well.  Thank you for reading what my Heart says.  Thank you.

And I thought I was living slow enough.  What the day has in store for me will be interesting, it already is!  Friends from everywhere will contact me to stay in touch with me, and you are one. Thank you.  I feel the connection and it is so vital, isn't it?  You feel the connection too-this is Life and the beauty filled essence of Life and Light.  Welcome.  :-)

Another day

I heard the term ordinary the other day. One's life becoming ordinary.

I guess we all need balance with ordinary and extraordinary.

Both of these still have the same root though. The ordinary blossoms into the extraordinary and sometimes explodes when you least expect it. Common is the same root.

Common.  I like that.  We are all more common-"shared by all" is the dictionary definition.

Wow.  That means we share so much!

And you thought ordinary was a bad thing.  If we all share what we are thinking about maybe we could all see that our strife is shared, our burdens are shared, our sadness is shared.  Then that also means our Joy is shared, our happiness is shared, our victory is shared.

I tend to share alot of Joy because I find Joy is most things, especially these days where clarity is so close.

You are Loved.  :-)

Aversion

An aversion I have presented itself in it's usual manner.  This time, I decided to face it and say something about it in defense of myself.  This time I did not remain silent.  This time I did not beat myself up for not saying anything.  This time I did not allow it to be only a reflection for me.

I was actually shocked the aversion presented itself.  I was not ready for it as I usually am not.  I don't live "on guard".  Living guarded means the world is out to get you and that is obviously not my style.  The Universe takes care of me and there's enough for EVERYONE!  

Some opportunities we have present themselves to us so brutally sometimes that we are forced in a very abrupt way to deal with them.  This happens to all of us.  It is how we choose to react to this that determines how we deal with it.  That's why I knew I was whole when I chose the path of defending my self.  I was so proud of saying something!  What a gift to myself.  I had never done this before when the opportunity presented itself.  Of course I am saddened that this had to occur, but it is not depression, it merely acknowledging this was a sad moment and I was saddened that it had to happen that way, but I am grateful knowing my choice of dealing with this has changed!  I changed myself!  I changed the pattern!!  How awesome is that?!

Shift in awareness

Last night as I sat in the nosebleed section to see a concert, the fear I felt from being too high catupulted me into a new reality of flow of thought.

What is fascinating is why would fear open me up to an even bigger reality?

Preparation

Today I realized how much preparation is going into my future and I feel a sense of calm.

Calm that I took the time to prepare beforehand.

Calm from all the hardwork I did beforehand.

Not knowing what the future brings, I still prepare and remain optimistic.  Encouragement along the way helps, remaining centered helps, music helps, friendships help.

This time however, my self confidence does not take a dive and turn for the worst, it is merely questioned. Questioning is good!  Gives me an opportunity to shake the truth out of the tree and see what it looks like.

Today, I prepare to work with my questions.  Going through the motions of the day and it's schedule, I look forward to analyzing myself while connecting with the Universal energy that Is.  I'd have to say that's a gentle way of dealing with self confidence, isn't it?  I hear a Yes.  Yes is such a great word.

Namaste.

Everything happens for a reason

After typing the title of my blog entry for today, being such a creature of habit with my routine, I accidently clicked on the wrong folder for my relaxing music to begin my blog and still not noticing clicked on the song number associated with the song I always begin with.

I smiled brightly as the Universe worked with the title of my blog entry this morning!

What will this turn of events present to me today?  I can't wait to find out!  I am so blessed with being so connected with Universal energy so constantly.  How can this be?  What did I do right to cause this wonderfilled state of being?  Even during sad times, I am bathed in light and supported.  How can this be?  I have not been in this kind of state in Years!  I guess it is true, what the body does, the mind follows.

Continuing with my upbeat morning I realize I have been sustaining this since March 19, 2010.

I just looked at the calendar on my monitor.  October 19, 2010.  Merely a mark of time and so many lifetimes have passed since March 19, 2010.  I am not the same person I was in March and am so grateful for how I brought myself this far.  With encouragement of friends, my blossom came forth and has yet to break from it's bud.

So much to look forward to!

You have the power to create what you wish.  Everything happens for a reason, stop acting otherwise. :-)

We're Here

Here we are again. You and I.  Thanks for visiting with me today.

Isn't it fascinating how the written word reflects things seen and unseen?

Reminds me of group dynamics.  Try this one at work.  Pick a person in the group (any person) and have them leave the room. Then speak badly about them while they're gone. Then have them come back in the room and ask them how they feel.  Then do the same thing but speak well about them.

What do you think happened when people spoke well of them?  Doesn't take a rocket scientist to explain.

The words are gone but the feeling remains.  What words are you using that could harm others?  Now let's take that a level deeper.  What words are you using in your thoughts that could harm others?  For the longest time, I had words that hurt myself.  Now I don't. I exercised them out, literally! 

Do you have bad self thoughts?  It worked for me, it may just work for you.  First step is always awareness.  Quit beating yourself up, Breathe, Be the Smile.  Share those good feelings wherever you go.

There is so many interesting things about life, we just need to go out and share the Joy we feel whenever we can.

Thanks for receiving the Joy I share!  I look forward to another visit.

Tuning in

Realizing how peaceful my time outside was while being silent, I was aware of how I was resetting myself.  I calmed my mind down, calmed my body down, calmed my eyes down by closing them. 

 I had the luxury of feeling the sunshine that warmed me all the way to my Heart.

What a gift to give myself in the middle of the morning.  It was a rare day where there was no rush, no idle chatter, no demands of the day.

Peace was there all along, I just had to be still enough to bring it back in my field of consciousness. 

Wouldn't that be so cool if before every meeting anywhere there was 10 minutes of silence?  

Everyone has their own agendas when it comes to meeting in a group. There is so much mental chatter and so many tasks to be completed that if we just take 10 precious minutes of tuning into our TRUE centers where Peace resides, we could be more open to what a group's synergy can accomplish.  

I bet we would find the more diversity that is in this situation would bring the greatest breadth of accomplishments. 

A single task would carry more ripples of that effect to greater distances.  A single task would honor the process of how other things are effected.  All because the group decided to take 10 extra minutes before the meeting to find their center, to be in it and to honor interconnectedness.

Next time you have a meeting, even though the group may not want to participate in this kind of practice, you could.  Take that extra 10 minutes to center yourself by being quiet in a quiet environment.

Namaste.  :-)

Expansion

With expansion comes some disorientation.  This is an opportunity to align yourself with this new concept/thought pattern.  It is like feeling off balance, and that's good!  You have been balancing with an old way of thinking and your body followed.  Now with this new thought pattern, you sense things are not the same.  Some agitation and irritation is involved with this.  This is a good sign! That is you playing with this new idea/thought pattern!  Enjoy it and know it will dissipate. 

This is an opportunity to rethink everything if you want. Play with it. "What if?".

"If this, then why not that?"  How expansive do you want to get?  It's your choice!

Some people live in this flux of swirling ideas all day long.  Interesting to think about, isn't it?

You can create your own swirl.  All you need to be is Open! That's easy, isn't it?!

Friends

Isn't it cool how we have so many friends with such a great variety of backgrounds?

They hold us up in special ways-each so vastly different!  They come out of the woodwork to support us and hold us up.  Some have always been there for us and others wait to come to our rescue in just the right time.  Each has their own quality and strength.  Some run real deep and others run shallow and we need them ALL!  Some remind us of where we come from, others remind us to laugh and be Joyful.

Good day to celebrate friendships.

Humor

After a serious discussion last night, I was left empty and raw.  Not much sleep, but when I finally fell asleep, I dreamt something I had never dreamt about. Laughing.

After a serious discussion, I used to have bad old thought patterns, but those aren't there anymore.  The pattern is gone, the thoughts are no longer there!

So, upon finally falling asleep, a dream with humor made a huge impact on me upon waking.

Confirmation of my new way of thinking with this humor showing up in my subconscious is HUGE!

Of course, I am sad today.  Of course, I am raw today.  But I did not fall into the old way of thinking!  In my sadness and being raw, I am allowed to celebrate this moment of awareness of the NEW pattern!

All my hard work paid off in the gym.  I will never be the same.  Allowing myself to be sad and raw, I see the hope of a new day and wonderment of how I am able to keep myself WELL throughout this.

Thank you.

Gentle

Looking back on an interaction with myself, I realized I was hard on myself.  When I realized this, why hadn't I realized this during the reaction? Why couldn't I catch it before I was hard on myself?  With all my analytical power and awareness, it still eluded me.  But I DID catch it.  I caught it before I let it slip away into the dark recesses of my subconscious.  

Now I am dealing with it presently. Trying not to be too hard on myself, I had to loosen up a bit. 

Yesterday while doing yardwork, I had grumblings.  Someone wasn't having fun and it wasn't me.  I always enjoy making chores or life work fun.  I am UNIQUE that way.  If there is a challenging thing coming around, I enjoy finding how to make it fun.  If it is something I need to work on at a deep level, I take the deep breath, jump in head first and swim around and through it.  After all, isn't it our responsibility to take responsibility for that which we had part in causing?  Owning up to one's opportunities is always taken easier when you are aware of it before some life changing event has to occur.

Yes, there will be pain involved depending on how deep you need to deal with something.  But you know that!  See the truth, own your truth, this is how one grows from their experiences.  Not dealing with things has a way of resurfacing at the worst time possible to bring about a life changing event.

Why not deal with it now?  And for Heaven's sake, be gentle with yourself.  Owning it means you are able to breathe through whatever it is you need to own.  Breath.  Breathe.  Don't hyperventilate, just be gentle and aware.  

You are about to save your own Life!  :-)

Fresh Air

As I opened the door to let my dog out this morning, I was greeted with cool, fresh air.

It reminded me that I have the ability to bring this feeling into my day. Embracing this fully, I stood outside with my dog on the deck and was STILL.

Today I choose to be STILL throughout all my activities and will strive to breathe a breath of FRESH air into things that need attention in my life.

What do you need to breathe a breath of fresh air in your Life? You know what it is. Interupt your self conversation and do it.

New Growth

Yesterday as I realized I needed to rethink a few things, I saw that as an opportunity for New Growth!

The risk it took to remain tightly closed in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom came yesterday.  The Element of Freedom appeared to me.

Today is a day of action with the plan presented to me.  I'm finding tasks are easier to do because action is required.

Annoyance

I see a pattern emerge!  An opportunity to bring my awareness to my present being.

I found myself being annoyed this morning as I was putting the clean dishes away.

The night before there were things brought to my attention that I did not take care of that day.  I felt scolded, but I need to take ownership of the problem because I am part of this household as well!  

It happens to everyone, doesn't it?  Something comes up where you need to deal with something and you find you are avoiding it for some reason or another.  If you find you are creating more things to spend time on rather than other things, where does that leave you?  Being scolded for not doing what needs to be done immediately.

That's where conflict lives.  If not outwardly scolded, don't you feel it inside?

So, now what?

If given an opportunity, run with it, make it right and then you have closed the doubt off.  Self doubt won't have a chance!  Deal with it when it's brought to your attention, don't put it off anymore.

Own it.  Own all of it. Don't let someone else have to tell you what to do.

There's the rub.  Where are your priorities?  They are always changing, aren't they?  Then, today I choose to be positive about the opportunity brought to my attention and I will make good with the people in my life.  

How can you make good with the people in your life today?  Can you do something that will make their lives easier because you're being more participative in everyday tasks?  You don't know what that is? Uh oh, it's time for you to make a list of observations of what they do (without their knowledge).  Then do some things on the list without requiring acknowledgement.

Trying

Another day to bring me the opportunity to try and get the day right.

Trying to change it up a big in my routine to allow for different thought patterns.

With the preparation for the day being different right off the bat!  I am doing things I normally don't do! *yay*  That's a good sign.  It all started with a dream completely unfamiliar last night, so my mind is already accepting a different feel today!

Changing my look this morning affirms to myself I am greeting the day with new energy and a new cadence.  Keeping it fresh, indeed!

I'm so happy how things are unfolding already this morning.  It's as if the day is telling me it's easy to have fun.  You don't need to work so hard at it, just be yourself and express it!  What's wrong with that?  

Be the smile.

That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

Last night as I allowed sadness to exist with me, just knowing tomorrow was a new day, I told myself it was ok to feel sad.  My own soothing!

Upon waking up this morning, the sadness dissipated and vanished as I greeted the day with a newfound sense of Joy.  How do I do that?  I guess I have a choice and I always choose Joy.  Not Happy, Joy!

With new energy, I decide to connect with something larger than myself.  This is something new for me today as I am doing this in an unattached manner.  Energy is brought to me as I gain momentum just within the few minutes I've been awake!

I made my plan for the day and will stay flexible with how I connect with this bigger energy.

It's like watching a sunset in the Grand Canyon.  The cliffs are one mile up and one mile down.  To be in the presence of such massive testaments of nature forces me to think more connected and peaceful.  

What makes you think and feel more connected and peaceful?  Something bigger than yourself, isn't it?!

There, you just meditated!  See how easy that was?!  :-)

Sadness

As the sadness creeps into my awareness I find myself blaming myself for why I had allowed this stress to get to me.

I really am under a great deal of stress I realize.  I've been so valiant about my efforts to overcome my depression with exercise and eating well.  

This time it is not depression!  When I realize it is true sadness, my body realizes that and I find a glimmer of light in the fact that I am not depressed!  Sadness is natural.  Best time to be gentle with myself and find no blame.  Knowing it will pass allows me to sit with it and it gives me the chance to be strong even in my sadness.

I look forward to tomorrow with another NEW day!  For now, I will play gentle music and enjoy my surroundings in a different light.

Even in the midst of my sadness.

Behind the scenes

In my world, everything happens for a reason.  Things are brought to my attention where I need to readjust my thinking or habit or routine.

This is all part of growth!  Behind the scenes, we are expanding and our roots grow and our buds burst out with blossom.  It's a natural process to allow some things wither because they are not helpful for the growth of the plant. 

Feeling as if I were tossed in the wind and blown around without an anchor, I saw I was the Mountain.  How could this be?  I've always been told otherwise.  Who told me this? Why did I choose to believe it?

If I am the Mountain, why do I not feel stable all the time?  Maybe I do!  Maybe because I have that stability, I am able to reach farther away from the mountain to see what is out there.  Maybe I am more powerful than I think I am.  If that is true, why do I vacillate with decisions I need to make?

Because in order to grow, I need to reach and retreat. It is a natural process!

Now what?

Disappointment

We will always be disappointed by that which is external.

We have the choice of what to do with that disappointment.

Depending how deep the disappointment was, we may choose the need to hold on tight and cry.  We may also choose to let go and be in the moment to try to see the whole picture.  Depending on how frustrated we are with the disappointment, we may hold on tight with fear or let go with something greater than the disappointment, Love.

Why?  What's the matter with holding on tight?  Sometimes holding on tight is a clue for us relax our grasp and loosen up a bit. We will always be disappointed.

But wait, you're the only one you can control!  Sit with your disappointment, own it, sooth yourself.  Let the tears fall, let yourself relax into relinquishment.  Let it go.  You will find that which you seek in your center. Can't do that? Can't let it go?  I know, it's tough, but you need to align with your courage.  Align with your self confidence. 

Weave that disappointment in your life's fabric.  Proudly display all the beauty it brings to the outwardness appearance of your fabric. It adds another element that shows your complexity and yet it is something simple that others resonate with. Just think!  Others will resonate with you and support you with all that you need! All those disappointments will resonate with such a wide variety of people! Just sit with that for awhile. 

Think of all your disappointments.  Think about all the people that supported you with your disappointment.  The stranger that smiled at you and made you feel better.  The stranger that was standing in line behind you that felt your pain and sent Love to you.  The stranger that sent Love to you as you cut them off on the Highway because you were too distracted with pain.  You know we're all in this together.

Share the Blessings you receive when it passes because one always needs to celebrate that which makes us stronger.

Feeling Joy

Staying centered yesterday for awhile, the wind blew gently from the Southeast.  After sitting with some questions I had, I paused and realized the wind came from the North. Then the wind danced for me from both directions. Such Joy being expressed through the leaves in the trees as my attention was brought upward.  

I said out loud "Wow, that's cool!" And smiled largely.

My peaceful feeling attracted Joy to make me smile and say out loud what I felt.

What will your peaceful feeling today bring to you?

We have so many emotions and ways to express them.  What will nature make you do today as you sit with it and enjoy it?  Take the time. You don't need an hour (although it would be nice, wouldn't it?). While you're getting out of the car, look at your surroundings.  The birds and bugs call out with such Joy. The wind carries Joy to you today. Feel it.  The Joy of being alive.  Listen to their wisdom, they like to be heard too. It may just be an instant, but you could quite possibly connect with something that brings Joy or Peace or Harmony to you today.  It just might save your life!  :-)